Unreal Bio

Born in a land far beyond our own, I walked out of the buzzard’s egg that had laid me and never looked back. As an infant I had to fend for myself, eating raw toxic waste, dumpster scraps, and used hobo crack needles. From this I contracted superhuman abilities… And herpes. Being so young my only source of income came from my dog and caregiver, a Chichiwawa named Roxy. I was a dogfighting champion, impressive for someone so young. Roxy won every fight, and insured I had food in my stomach each dusk. Years went by and eventually Roxy had passed- I was alone. I fell into a deep depression. In my spare time, I used the slime from dumpsters and various decaying animals to create murals on back alley walls. My art became the outlet to express all my pain. One faithful day a monk tread the path down my alley just as I was finishing a mural. He stopped and admired my work, he told me I had talent, and asked if I would join him on his journey home. He adopted me and raised me as his own. Other then immortality, lasers shooting from my eyes, and severe genital warts… It was a normal childhood. As I grew in my art, many people noticed me, and my immortality. I had to leave. To conceal my powers I moved to the small town of Salisbury, where no one has noticed my powers- or my crotch.. I am Jason McKee, kick-ass, artist extraordinaire.

Written by the lovely, Tayler Moats

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